I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
