Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
