we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
