just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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