Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
