The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
