all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
