im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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