even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
