So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
