Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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