i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
