now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
