I skipped work to stalk him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
