; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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