How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
