I can text with my tongue
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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