Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
