I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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