Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
