On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They have beer where we have blood.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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