dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
