I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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