so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
