If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
