you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
