I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
