How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
