I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
