I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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