Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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