remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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