I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
