Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
