He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The air was thick with penises
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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