you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it glows. i had to have it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
