hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
