I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the condom got lost in my hair
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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