So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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