I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
