there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
