It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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