I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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