i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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