And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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