It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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