i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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