Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
