return my video game
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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