i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
