Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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